A mish mash of thoughts

This week's column is going to be a little bit of a mish mash. A little bit of this and a little bit of that.

I wanted to update you all on my Amazing Grace.

This little fighter, born on May 1 at 2 lbs. 2 oz. is now weighing in at 3 whopping pounds! Whoo hoo! Her family and friends are ecstatic at this milestone.

Her mommy, Lindsey, says she's learning to suck and has taken a whole bottle.

Her Gramma Connie watched as Gracie's daddy, John, was holding her one day.

"She smiled. I know they say it's just gas, but it was such a sweet smile. So precious."

Gas. Schmas. I vote for a smile because this little sweetie has a lot to smile about.

Lindsey has been taking itty bitty outfits in for her to wear and they put tape, with her last name printed on it, on the back of her outfits so they don't get lost in the laundry.

"It looks like she's playing for the Blundetto team," she says.

Which she is. And she has tons of cheerleaders cheering her on!

Go Gracie!

***

I am not a world traveler by any stretch of the imagination. But, I get around. I've been to several states in our country. When I get back home, I always say the same thing ... Pennsylvania has the worst roads in America.

Every day on my way to work, the road I travel jars another screw lose.

Not only in my brain but also in my car.

It's only three years old and I've recently had to replace its stabilizer bars and put new shocks on the back.

The last couple of weeks, PennDOT has been putting another band aid on Rt. 209 in the Polk Township area. They've cut out strips of asphalt on the right edges of the road then put down new macadam. To my way of thinking, it's a very expensive and short-term band aid.

There's one road, Weir Lake Road, between Rt. 209 and Rt. 115 in Brodheadsville that is absolutely the worst. A pot hole arrives, swallows up a minivan with a family of six, then it's filled, only to have three more take its place. It's been this way for years and still nothing has been done. It is heaved up so high in the middle, you have to fear that it'll wipe out the belly of your car. It's got more ripples in it than an old washboard. And when you drive over it, you feel every bone-jaring one.

I went on the Internet to see if I could verify my own opinion and sure enough, there it was in black and white. According to Overdrive Magazine, Pennsylvania has the worst roads in America.

Sometimes I hate being right.

It's been given that indubitable distinction at least five times in the last decade. One trucker said our roads "beat and bang you around." Another one said they're like "two steps from gravel."

In the May 25, 2010 issue of the "The Infrastructurist-America Under Construction's" May 25, 2010 article, it stated "The American Society of Civil Engineers is saying that Pennsylvania's roads are worse now than they were four years ago, despite the fact that more than $600 million in federal stimulus dollars were handed to the state for improvement projects."

Doesn't that just warm the cockles of your heart?

Some blame our weather.

Balderdash!

Maine, New York, Idaho all have winters worse than ours and their roads aren't on the top 10 worst. I'm no rocket scientist but maybe PA ought to find out what they use and how they make their roads and give it a whirl.

I can't afford to lose any more screws.

***

This one is just plain silly.

This morning on my way to work, Becca on CAT Country reported about Julia Gnuse, the Illustrated Lady, who holds the record for being the world's most tattooed woman, covering 95 percent of her body. The tattoos range from jungle scenes and cartoons to her favorite actors. She has the cast of "Bewitched" tattooed on her fanny. Which led to Becca asking who would you want tattooed on your fanny?

Her partner, Sam, said he'd have the cast of "Happy Days" tattooed on his butt.

Unfortunately, I never got to hear some of the responses from the listeners who they'd have tattooed on their derrières.

But I decided to really give this a lot of thought who I'd want on my caboose for the rest of my life.

I thought about "I Love Lucy" because I loved it as a kid and still laugh at the reruns today. I often think my sister and I are Lucy and Ethel reincarnated.

The cast of "The Muppet Show" could be another contender. I loved that show and all the characters. My booty is large enough to accommodate everyone from Kermit, to Animal, to Fozzie Bear, the two old coots, Gonzo, Beaker, the Swedish Chef to Miss Piggy.

Then I thought, why not have the four guys who send me over the moon (no "buns" intended) plastered all over my patootie.

On one cheek, I'd have the images of Tom Selleck, Patrick Swayze and Robert Redford tattooed. They never fail to make me swoon. On the other cheek, I'd have Harry smirking at them. See, the other three are wonderful fantasies. But Harry's my real-life hero and has saved my (ahem) tushie more than once. And he makes me swoon.

So, dear readers, who would you tattoo on your rump?