Reading on the roadways
By BOB URBAN
rurban@tnonline.com
Back when I was a youngster, my father drove a 1947 Buick, a big, dark green Roadmaster that if it had a gun turret attached to it could pass for a Sherman tank (something my father also drove during the Battle of the Bulge).
That Buick came equipped with Dynaflow (no more stick shift), and wide white-walled tires that we scrubbed with Bon Ami cleanser to keep them lily white.
We had a lot of great memories in that two-door beast. Vacations were always an adventure because Dad would attach my younger brother's playpen to the roof with straps, and fill it with everything from fishing rods to an old Coca Cola heavy metal beverage cooler. We looked more like gypsies than campers as we made our way to Lake Wallenpaupack every July.
At a time when I was just learning to read and to observe things, one item stands out as one of my favorites when I sat in the back seat of the road monster the Burma Shave signs that adorned almost every two-lane highway we ever traveled. They all had a message.
I hadn't thought of those ads for years until a loyal reader sent the following along recently. See if it brings back memories. If it doesn't you're too young. If it does rekindle some memories you're older than dirt.
See what I mean.
For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick history lesson of the 1930s and '40s.
Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old two lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields.
They were small red signs with white letters.
Five signs, About 100 feet apart, each containing one line of a four line couplet......
and the obligatory 5th sign advertising BurmaShave, a popular shaving cream.
Here are some of the actual signs:
DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
BURMA SHAVE
TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
BurmaShave
SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
BurmaShave
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
BurmaShave
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
BurmaShave
BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
BurmaShave
CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
BurmaShave
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS HOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
BurmaShave
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
BurmaShave
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
BurmaShave
NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
BurmaShave
A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
BurmaShave
