The last great gift you can give

I just started getting serious about making plans for my funeral.

I have to admit it feels a bit weird to do it, to say the least.

What's even stranger is the good feeling I had when I hung up from talking with the funeral director in my Pennsylvania hometown of Shamokin.

I'm still a long way from completing plans for my final exit because living in one state and planning to be buried in another presents its own set of complications.

In Pennsylvania, funeral directors make everything easier for families. Give them the name of the deceased's life insurance company and they take care of the rest. At least that's been my experience.

I quickly discovered I picked the wrong funeral home in Florida when the manager told me there had to be cash up front "before services were given" or I needed paid-up prearrangements.

All I can tell you is the guy made a simple information gathering session a nightmare when I refused to sign the contract he pushed under my nose.

I could tell you gory details, but all I'll say is if you run into a guy like that, run away. There are plenty of absolutely wonderful funeral directors who will assist you in every way.

When I talked with the Shamokin director, he confirmed the Florida guy was "way off base" and prices quoted were thousands more than they should have been.

I was glad I had the experience, though, because I wouldn't want my daughters to be hit with it.

When I told my daughter Maria I was going to schedule a meeting with a different Florida funeral director, she said, "Do it now. If anything happens to you I would never be in emotional shape to do it."

She's right. I know from experience that making funeral arrangements for a loved one is gut-wrenching. It's a gift when parents do prearrangements or at least leave behind a written copy of what they want.

Call it the last great gift we can give our kids.

I have seen fights erupt when one adult child wants arrangements to go one way and another adult child has a different opinion. A tough time gets tougher if Mom or Dad didn't put their wishes in writing.

I've also encountered one funeral director who preyed on the emotions of my stepsister when she buried her mother.

"I know you want the best for Mommy," he said as he talked her into burying her mother in a $400 gown. He actually said "Mommy" to a 35-year-old woman.

My stepmother only wore a gown once in her life, when she was married, and she made it herself, just as she did all her clothes. She was probably up in heaven rolling her eyes in disgust at the tactics of the funeral director.

Fortunately, those directors are few and far between.

I attended a one-day college class called "The last gift you can give your children." It centered on what you have to do to leave behind a well-planned estate.

"The last gift you can give them is an estate where everything is in order and you don't add to their emotional upset by leaving a legal mess behind," said the attorney teaching the class.

"Many people don't like to think about their own demise so they put off getting an updated will and other estate documents. Some put it off until it's too late and others make mistakes that are costly to those they leave behind," he said.

Even those who think they have everything in order can make major blunders, he stressed. "It can end up costing your family thousands of dollars and tying up your estate for a long time in the probate process."

He strongly recommends talking to your children in advance and creating a file with all the paperwork they will need.

In addition to a will and a trust with a pour-over will to avoid probate, that file should include your power of attorney, living will and health care surrogate designation.

While many people save those standard documents in a safe place, often they don't include proof of ownership documents such as property deeds, mortgage documents and vehicle titles for cars and boats.

Sometimes it's the "little stuff" that creates arguments and problems, he said. "Who gets your art collection or who gets the antique table can lead to squabbles if there is more than one beneficiary. If you leave behind a written memo stating who you want to have your personal property, you can avoid family problems," the attorney said.

A certified copy of marriage and divorce papers as well as a copy of a DD form 214 for veterans should also be in the file.

Bank and financial account information, stock certificates, savings bonds and life insurance policies should always include beneficiary designations and should be in the file, he said.

"When you pass away, your heirs will be spared the hassle of searching for these documents. There is also the added expense for an attorney's time if there has to be a search for missing documents," he said.

I'm scheduled to attend another class on common mistakes we can easily make in estate planning. Next week I'll share what I learn with you.

It's too important a topic not to do it right.