We can't return to a place no longer here

By PATTIE MIHALIK

newsgirlcomcast.net

Thomas Wolfe immortalized the phrase, "You can't go home again."

I don't know about you, but I've had the experience of trying to go back to my beloved hometown, hoping to see the happy place of my youth.

Instead, the town had changed so much, and not for the better. The people were still extraordinarily warm and friendly, making even a trip to Dunkin' Donuts a nice adventure. I think coal region people are some of the friendliest people anyone could hope to encounter.

But it was sad to see the town had fallen on hard times. I decided then and there I can't go home again because the "home" of my youth no longer exists, at least not the way it does in my memories.

Last week "Shark Tank" entrepreneur Robert Herjavec talked about a similar truism. Legally separated from his wife of 25 years, he said he's brokenhearted that his children no longer want to be with him because of the family breakup.

"I'm missing a time that doesn't exist anymore," he said, recalling the happy times when the kids were small and problems were equally small.

He talked about the personal loss of having kids grow up and get an active life of their own, a life that no longer revolves around family.

The man who can buy just about anything money can buy can't buy a return to the happy days of the past.

No one can.

Most of us who experienced the joys of having kids in the house know things change when they grow up and leave the nest. The house gets quiet. Very quiet.

Some never stop yearning for a return to that time that doesn't exist anymore.

I have a friend with two adult daughters who wanted to give her a grand celebration for her 50th birthday. The daughters are quite comfortable financially so they thought big when it came to giving their mother a special day.

She told them she didn't want a grand party or expensive gifts. "What I want," she told them, "is to spend another routine day as a family just like we did before you left home."

She requested a day with her husband and two daughters only. She wanted to walk around the mall as a family then stop for ice cream, just like they did when the girls were young.

Most of all, she wanted her daughters to spend the night in their old home instead of rushing off to their own lives as they always do.

"I just longed for a night at home together like we used to have. We just did simple things like playing board games and laughing together but those times were precious to me. That's the kind of night I wanted for my birthday," my friend said.

Instead, her daughters gave her the grand celebration they thought she should have, not the one she wanted.

My friend learned you can't return to a time that no longer exists not even for a day.

Robert Herjavec has been in the news this week talking about how devastated he was because he found himself losing his children's affection when his marriage ended. He admits he was so depressed he thought about suicide.

His pastor suggested he forget about himself and serve others. Robert did exactly that by working in a Seattle soup kitchen and running "search and rescue" trips to bring food and clothing to the homeless.

"I was hollow and broken," says Herjavec, who still works at the shelter, "and these people saved my life."

He did another smart thing to pull his life around he got engrossed in trying new things. Experts tell us that's one of the main ways to help us feel better.

As most of America no doubt knows, Herjavec jumped at the chance when he was invited to be a contestant on "Dancing With the Stars."

He might not be the best dancer to ever appear on the show, but he sure is the happiest. Even judges said his joy and constant smile were contagious.

My husband and I love watching "Shark Tank." We often comment about how kind and decent Robert is. Of course we like watching him on "Dancing With the Stars," too.

In reading viewer Internet comments about Herjavec, some who have gone through a marital breakup and its subsequent problems say they understand completely why it devastated him.

"You can't understand how that makes you wallow in depression unless you've had the same experience," wrote one woman who says she's "been there."

Others were skeptical that "someone that rich" could have any emotional problems.

Is that naive or what?

We see so many cases with celebrities and with everyday people where having a lot of money has nothing to do with happiness.

Herjavec himself says his money doesn't prevent emotional pain.

Some viewers commented that with his money, he will soon be happy again.

I'm sure he will be. But his happiness will be based on his true values, not his money.

Herjavec knows Thomas Wolfe is right. We can't go home again. Like Robert says, we can't recapture a time that no longer exists.

But we can pick ourselves up, dust off the sorrow and rebuild a worthwhile life.