Some British humor, and more

I have received some favorable responses to jokes I print in this space. With the help of friends, here is some British humor.

These are classified ads which actually were placed in U.K. newspapers.

Free puppies. 1/2 cocker spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

Free puppies. Mother is a kennel club registered German shepherd. Father is a super dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

Cows, calves: Never bred. Also, one gay bull for sale.

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer.

Wedding dress for sale. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

And the winner is: For sale by owner. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Some more British humor:

Thought from the greatest living Scottish thinker, Billy Connolly: "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

Now some examples of our educational system.

Children are quick. Teacher: Why are you late? Student: Class started before I got here.

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? John: You told me to do it without using tables.

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" Glenn: Krokodial. Glenn: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? Donald: HIJKLMNO. Teacher: What are you talking about? Donald: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have 10 year ago? Winnie: Me!

Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? Glenn: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I"? Millie: I is ... Teacher: No, Millie ... Always say, "I am." Miller: All right ... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? Louie: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on "My dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog.

And finally. Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Harold: A teacher.

Hope these made you laugh on this last Saturday of May.