Navigating the three-ring circus

Internet meme of the week that cracked me up: "Don't judge other parents. We're all losing our minds, some of us just hide it better than others."

I ask myself daily whether or not I'm going crazy. I know some people feel that I created this mess, but even in its simplest terms, trying to keep four other people clothed, fed and in one piece on a daily basis is a challenge, especially when three of them are actively trying to avoid all three of those basic tasks. Add in a job, a house, a toilet that someone has clogged, homework and a cat, and well, forget it.

Our lives are a three-ring circus on the best days and the Ninth Circle of Hell on the worst days. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Honestly, I'm too exhausted and frazzled most of the time to put together two coherent thoughts about others' parenting practices. In my book, if your kids have enough energy to throw a tantrum at Walmart, at least it means they're eating well, so you're doing something right. Also, thanks for deflecting the attention away from the tantrum that is surely going on in my cart.

Having three kids who were all born with completely different and unrelated birth defects also helped me toss out the book on how to be a better parent. Talk about bizarre blessings in disguise.

I know I would have been that parent who read every book and then stressed out because my child dared to deviate from everything they SHOULD be doing. Having a kid who was born into a battle for his life, and two others who had to face their own uphill battle just to survive lowered my expectations significantly and enabled me to step back and worry less about what everyone else was doing and where I fit on that scale and worry more about enjoying what might be a limited time with my children.

Thankfully, they met those challenges head-on, and while A's heart condition is something that he will live with forever, we have managed to navigate beyond survival and are now well into the thriving part.

I know I have been judged as a parent, and I'm sure I've fallen short in many people's opinions. But one time, someone judged me and let me know, and it made all the difference. All of my kids have taken swim lessons since they were 6 months old. The benefits of being exposed to water at an early age and learning to swim were important to us for safety and health reasons.

One night, after lessons, I took A, a wriggly 7-month-old, into the locker room, and proceeded to shower us and get us dressed. Another mom, dealing with her wriggly infant, who was less than thrilled about the chilly locker room, sighed enviously. She said to me, "I don't know how you do it, but you have it together. You make this look so easy."

Now, she had no idea that I spent years as a Mommy and Me swim instructor and I had literally gone to class to learn how to hold wet, squirmy infants. She had no idea that my swim bag was still packed as if I were a swimmer, and also as if I were still the high school swim coach.

There were more towels in that bag than in most people's linen closets, a seven-course meal, including dessert and beverage options, enough shampoo, conditioner, and soap to wash an entire swim team, and several changes of warm, dry clothes to account for every season. Probably missing though … my own underwear. Somehow, after all these years, I still can't remember to pack those for myself.

I have to say, at that moment, I felt absolutely invincible. Every single other mistake I made or had been beating myself up over instantly evaporated. I remember thinking to myself, "Well, if nothing else, at least I can absolutely rock packing a swim bag and navigating a locker room with an infant."

There have been many, many moments of motherhood that have pushed me to my limits, stressed me out beyond belief, and made me question if I'm doing absolutely everything wrong. And then, there was that one time when I know I got it so right that someone else actually noticed. So, to all you parents out there, you do whatever your version is of packing that awesome swim bag, and get on with life. And don't be afraid to tell some other parents that they pack a great swim bag, too!

Liz Pinkey is a contributing writer to the Times News. Her column appears weekly in our Saturday feature section.