Forever friends are hard to find

I just spent an incredible day and evening with two forever friends, Moe and Colleen.

"See that. We come to see you every year. Remember when you thought you wouldn't see us anymore when you moved to Florida?" commented Moe.

She's right about that. We never know who will make the effort to continue a friendship once many miles separate us.

It's impossible to know who will be forever friends and whose friendship will fade like flowers past their prime.

Some of those who become forever friends are those who have been part of our life for many years. Perhaps you grew up together, worked closely together or were close neighbors for years.

But it isn't just sticking around long enough that makes a forever friend. I call that a long-term friend.

A forever friend is elevated to a higher level because that special person will be there for us, regardless of circumstances.

If we go through a bad time, a true forever friend will be there for us and we will bond even closer. A lesser friend will walk away when things get tough.

One of my wonderful male friends thought he had many close friends who would be there for him regardless of what happened.

But when he lost his high paying job and was no longer able to afford trips away and free-spending social activities, most of his friends withered away like fruit that sat on the counter too long.

"To tell you the truth, I was stunned when that happened," he told me. "Just when I needed friends the most I was dropped like a hot potato. What? They thought misfortune was contagious?"

I understood completely. When my late husband Andy had a stroke years ago and we went together to patient education sessions, we were warned many of our friends would no longer call or include us in their social activities.

I never believed that would happen. But it did.

One woman went so far as to tell me she and her husband no longer wanted to be around Andy and me because "it made her uncomfortable to look at him."

A friendship that spanned decades meant nothing in the long run. That's what I mean when I say longevity doesn't necessarily lead to a forever friendship.

There is one good thing about adversity of any kind. It teaches you who your true friends are and who is only a fair weather friend.

For the few who remain at our side and help in so many ways, the bond of friendship grows even stronger. Until the day I die I will do anything for those forever friends.

A long time ago, one of my treasured forever friends told me his theory about lasting friendship. "When it comes to our true friends, we can usually count them on one hand," he said.

At the time, I didn't believe it. I thought I had more true friends than that. He was right.

But the scarcity of forever friends makes us value them even more, doesn't it?

In an old antique shop I found one of those vintage embroidered samplers that said: A true friend is hard to find and worth their weight in gold. That's as true now as it was since time began.

People often comment that I have a lot of friends and I admit that's true. But it's also true that few of those people will become what I call a forever friend.

Many are simply activity friends. We enjoy doing something together such as going dancing or kayaking. But I noticed when I had surgery and couldn't do those activities I didn't hear from them. Not even a phone call to ask how I was doing.

As I keep saying, there are all levels of friendship.

To tell the truth, I love getting to know people and forming new friendships. When I find someone I especially like, I'm always hopeful that person will become a forever friend.

It seldom happens.

I met a fascinating woman at a birthday party and we ended up talking a lot to each other. Talk about having a lot in common. She was even a writer like me and she was also enjoying a later-in-life marriage. Plus, she and her husband liked doing the same outdoor things we did.

In between our social activities, we sent plenty of e-mails and I felt I was really getting to know her. The more I knew about her the more I liked her.

To me, she had "forever friend" written all over her.

But a simple misunderstanding ended the friendship of the four of us before it could bloom.

David and I made plans to go to dinner with them. But they went one week early, thinking that's when we were meeting, even though it wasn't the date we had agreed on.

They called my cellphone from the restaurant but true to form, I didn't have it with me. They stayed miffed at us.

See what I mean? It's hard enough to make a good friend, much less a forever one.

There's an old saying I love that says: People come into our life for a reason, a season or forever.

I value every friend, even those who are there for a short season. But I treasure my forever friends like the gems that they are.