Solving mysteries of the heart
Plato, the Greek philosopher, believed that perfection is essentially a product of the mind and cannot exist in the real world. A perfect rose we picture in our head will be more beautiful than any we find in the garden.
This is not to say that Plato had a negative view of reality. Here's an example of his theory of the ideal when it comes to the subject of love.
Arthur and Jill have been married for 50 years. Although their bodies have grown old and out of their youthful shapes, they share the same emotional attraction for each other since the day they said yes at their wedding altar. In other words, their minds still see the ideal in each other while their hearts are blind to their imperfections.
Yet, unlike Arthur and Jill, many relationships continue to fail.
Ann Landers wrote, "Love is friendship caught fire. It is great understanding, sharing and forgiving. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses."
Settling for less than perfection means losing the championship game, spending a hundred dollars for an unsatisfying dinner, and having a disappointing vacation in Disneyworld. These are types of experiences families will have at one time or another. When it comes to relationships, however, poetry, film and song all tell us that the perfect love is out there for us to find somewhere and we shouldn't settle for less.
American novelist Tom Robbins wrote, "We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love."
I once knew of a couple who was on the brink of divorce, but as a last attempt to save their marriage, they sought counseling. They were asked to write down what they disliked about each other and didn't want to put up with anymore.
They were then asked to write what they liked about each other and would miss if they divorced.
Upon returning the papers to the counselor, he picked up their dislike lists, never read them and threw them into the wastebasket.
"Let's start with these," he said to the couple as he opened the two papers that listed what they liked about each other.
In fewer than 10 minutes, the couple was holding hands and crying tears as their written words reminded them how much they actually loved each other before losing those feelings within the turmoil of daily problems.
When I was in college, I wrote a thesis paper to prove romantic love was either a myth or a fact. I studied the hearts of love poets and the psychology behind the attraction between men and women. With research, I tried to prove that romantic love existed within the minds and emotions of the genders. Conflict actually built stronger bonds when respect for each other was preserved as the foundation of arguments.
Sheryl Paul writes from mindbodygreen, "… in all of its irritating foibles, quirks and dumb jokes - that we soften our walls of fear and judgment designed to keep others at a safe distance and learn about what it really means to love."
It appears that love only becomes perfect when we stop expecting it to be.
When I was in a room with a number of people talking politics, I noticed that when married couples listened to other people's opinions, they would make eye contact with the speakers. When husbands spoke, however, disagreeing wives did not look at them, except for one. Her adoring gaze toward her husband implied that she respected his opinions no matter what they were. He was perfect for her even if she didn't agree with his politics.
Science also gets involved in the mysteries of the heart. Our brain releases neurons when we meet that special someone, telling our intuitive feelings that despite the imperfections of those we desire, we will continue to treat them as subjects of our affection.
So go ahead and plan the perfect romantic evening.
Start a fire and ignite those neurons. Put on soft music. Open a bottle of wine.
OK. The fire clogs your sinuses. Something's wrong with the CD player and the wine tastes sour.
How perfectly imperfect!
Rich Strack can be reached at katehep11@gmail.com.
