When caring means adopting a 'third mom'

My friend Dominic is a fun-loving, outgoing guy with a strong sense of family values. He grew up in a close Italian household where ‘family’ was sacred and everyone was willing to do anything for family — even when it required a great sacrifice to do it.

I met Dom and his wife, Kathie, when their band was performing in area clubs.

Every time they played, I noticed there was always a table up front where “the moms” sat. He introduced them as his mother, Teresa; his wife’s mother, Dorothy; and his “third mom” Ginger.

I always thought it was just a sign of affection when Dom called Ginger his “third mom.”

It was only last week that I learned the story behind their close relationship. I learned that when Dominic and Kathie claim they adopted Ginger, they mean it.

I think it’s an unusual story that deserves to be told because it illustrates love is an inexhaustible resource. The more we give away, the more we have.

Let me tell you a little bit about Ginger, the woman Dominic and his wife call their “third mom.”

When Ginger was an infant, her 15-year-old mother gave her away to a stranger on the beach. At least that’s the story Ginger was told.

“My father was in his 40s and my mother, who was from the Ukraine, was 15 when I was born. I was told I was annoying my mom and others by crying so much on the beach.

“A woman standing nearby approached my mother and said, ‘I’ll take her.’ Just like that, my mother handed me over to her. She gave me away to the woman,” Ginger says.

With her customary optimism, Ginger looks at those unusual circumstances as a positive happening.

“I had a very good life with the couple that raised me,” she says.

But the couple could never adopt Ginger because her father refused to sign the papers. Seventy-nine years later, Ginger was finally adopted. Well, sort of.

Just like when she was a baby, when she needed an angel or two, help came, this time from Dominic and his wife. They adopted Ginger 16 years ago when her life was as dim as her failing vision.

Sometimes, there is an instant chemistry between people that grows over time. That’s what happened, Dom says, when he and his wife met Ginger and her husband.

Wherever they played, Ginger and her husband were among faithful fans that came to dance.

Watching the elegantly dressed Ginger glide across a dance floor with the grace of Ginger Rogers, one would never know they were looking at a woman who could barely see. Macular degeneration that started many years ago has advanced to the point where Ginger’s vision is all but gone.

“I can’t see faces at all. I can vaguely see the room I’m in, but it’s like looking through plastic wrap,” Ginger explains.

But she never lets that stop her from dancing. Even now, at the age of 95, the incredible woman goes dancing several times a week, thanks to Dominic and others who help.

“I was born to dance,” Ginger says. “Dancing is my joy.”

But that joy almost ended when her husband died. There was no longer anyone to drive her places.

When most people heard that, they said, “That’s a shame,” and forgot about Ginger’s problems.

Despite their own busy lives, Dom and Kathie stepped forward to help.

“They told me they were adopting me as their third mom,” said Ginger, explaining that they lavish the same care on her as they do on their own mothers.

The “three moms” became one close family, united by Dominic and Kathie’s bond of love. At 85, Dom’s mother can no longer be left alone, so she lives with Dom and Kathie. Anyone who has ever cared for an aging parent too sick to be left alone knows the incredible sacrifice that requires.

Although Dom is an avid biker who likes to stay in shape by going for a long bike ride each day, he put aside his biking so he can be there to care for his mother. When friends call to ask him to go out, he simply explains his mother can’t be left alone. With all that responsibility, they could be excused if they didn’t reach out to help Ginger. But Dom figured there was plenty of love to spare in his house. He and his wife carve time to help Ginger, with Kathie driving her around and Dom playing Mr. Fix-it.

It is impossible to be in their home and not feel the love, especially during Dom’s fun taco nights. In addition to serving up fun and tacos for “the three moms,” Dom invites others who are alone. Some have lost spouses while others have a spouse in a nursing home. It all boils down to a lonely life.

But they have Thursday nights to look forward to. I can tell you firsthand that Dom serves up plenty of fun and laughter along with his famous tacos with his homemade sauce.

Sitting at that kitchen table I learned you don’t need a government grant to help the elderly. You just need an open heart and Dom and Kathie’s inclusive kind of love. How nice it would be if more people were like that.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.