Living a satisfactory single life

Can you live happily as a single person?

My answer to that is, of course you can. With the right attitude, you can find happiness in every stage of life.

Granted, you may like some stages better than others, but you certainly can find satisfaction and happiness in every stage and every phase of life.

With that as my strong belief system, I gladly agreed to write a story on a class centered on how to live happily as a single person. Even though I am no longer single, I knew the story would interest a large percentage of our readers.

When I walked into the center where the class was being held, I stopped in the office to ask the classroom number.

"Oh, do you want to know how you can live happily as a single person? I can tell you in two words," said the office clerk:

"You can't!"

She went on to tell me that after her husband died, she worked hard to make a new life for herself.

She said she tried joining a singles group "but no one looked at me." When she joined a ladies group, it quickly fell apart, she said.

I thought that the clerk needed to go to the class, instead of just giving me directions.

I thought I would find people with a much more positive attitude taking the class and I was right.

The instructor, a psychotherapist with years of experience, immediately made people feel good about themselves. "By coming here today you are taking a positive step to improve your life," she said.

In her many years as a relationship therapist, she said she finds people come to her because they want a better life. She tells them the same thing she told the class: "If you want things to change, you have to be the one to make things change."

I think that motto should be ingrained in everyone's thinking process.

Later in the class, when she listened to a bit of the backgrounds of attendees, she found most of the class was there because they had lost spouses and were lonely.

"Living alone and being alone aren't the same thing," the life coach emphasized,

"A single person can lead a happy, active life and plenty of single people are happy with their lives."

I was glad she said that because I have some single friends who love life as a single person. Their lives are filled with friends and meaningful activities they enjoy. In fact, one woman just rejected a marriage proposal from a guy we think is perfect for her.

"I know myself and I know I am happier single," she insisted.

That wasn't the case with the men and women in the class. They were struggling to make a new life after losing long tern spouses.

The only man in the class said he never found his footing after he was divorced years ago. He came to class because he wants to stop being lonely, he said.

Wanting to change, the therapist said, is only part of it. "What you need is a plan of action."

She spent an hour giving suggestions for that action.

"As human beings, we're wired to need human contact. But you can't sit back and wait for someone to say they want to be your friend. You have to make it happen."

While acknowledging that making friends is harder when we're older, she emphasized the need to put yourself in a position where you can interact with people.

Joining a friendly church, getting involved in volunteer work where you have a lot of people contact and trying new activities and hobbies were some of her suggestions.

"If you have a strong need for connection with others, make it your priority. Create a map about what you are going to do differently to make it happen," she urged.

By the end of the class, all attendees had done exactly that, vowing to take her suggestions on how to meet others.

With the proliferation of meet-up groups in the area, the therapist said it's easier now to get to know others. If you're not aware of these groups, Google "meetups" and you'll find groups that meet for a wide variety of activities.

If you can't find the kind of group you are interested in, start one of your own, she advised.

One recent widow did exactly that when she realized she needed friends. She passed out flyers in her neighborhood for her ladies lunch bunch. Four came to the first luncheon and the group has grown to 18 women.

"When you get a group, make a pact to be there for each other," she suggested.

"If you're lonely, realize there are a lot of lonely people out there who are also looking for a friend, just as there are others looking for a lasting relationship," the life coach said.

Based on her own experiences and what she hears from her clients, the therapist said she knows on-line dating works. But she did advise "stay cautious" because it's easy to be scammed.

She told the class the most important asset to have is a positive attitude. That brings me back to my own conclusion that with the right attitude, you can find happiness in every stage of life.

What are your thoughts?