From the pews

As I usually do when I write this column, I try to start your day with a smile.

Here goes, some more of those wonderful church bulletins.

The following actually appeared in church bulletins, bloopers and all:

• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

• Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

• Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

• Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

• Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.

• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

• This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

• Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

• And finally, the associate minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up yours."

Hope you enjoyed.