Food for thought

Today, the host and guest on a radio talk show turned the discussion to the lost art of inviting others to your home to share a meal.

They claim three or four decades ago this was a rather common practice among friends and neighbors in many communities. But times have changed and we've changed with them, they say.

Perhaps one reason why is that life seemed a lot slower a few decades ago. We had far less technology and fewer of our modern conveniences.

Yet, we had time to invite others to share a meal.

While the radio show was pondering the reasons for that, I had the thought that it's not just cooking for others that has disappeared.

In many homes it's hard to get our own immediate family together for a meal. Everyone is rushing to his or her own commitments, and if that means there is no time for a family meal, well, that's just the way it is. Or so the thinking goes.

In many homes, "dinner" is a sandwich eaten in the car on the way to the kid's sporting event.

Pizza or food to go is a staple of busy family life. And when Mom has a little time to herself, the last thing she wants is the pressure of cooking for friends and neighbors.

I can't tell you why we seem to have less time to ourselves than our parents and grandparents had. But I do agree it seems to be a social fact of life.

The radio guest talked about his grandmother and the way she was ready to feed anyone who came in the door. She welcomed neighborhood children as well as her own large extended family with hospitality that always included serving them food.

I related to what he said because I had a grandmother just like that. She never knew when a family member, neighbor or friend would drop in. But that's what people did back then - they dropped in.

They didn't need an appointment because they knew they would always be welcome. At my grandmother's house, we could always count on being treated to a great Italian meal.

To this day I have no idea how my grandmother always managed to have a pot of slowly simmering homemade spaghetti sauce on the stove. When someone came, she boiled some spaghetti and had food of the Gods ready in a jiffy.

How she did that is even more puzzling, considering she cooked on a coal stove. All I remember is when my mother sent me on an errand to my grandmother's house, I knew my reward would be a big bowl of pasta dripping with her incredible sauce.

I grew up in an Italian family where food was more than something to stave off hunger and our family dinner was more than having a meal.

We shared our daily lives, telling stories about our day and the little happenings we had. Everything always seemed funnier when we shared it at the dinner table.

I'll tell you this: No one ever rushed away from the dinner table to go somewhere. It was treasured time together. When we finished eating we lingered over our coffee, tea or soft drink.

When I got married I continued those same traditions and I'm happy to see my daughter continues it with her family. Yes, they have plenty of rush meals going from one sporting event to another. But somehow they find time for plenty of family dinners, too.

I have always loved to have friends in for dinner because I love to cook and more importantly, my grandmother's vision of hospitality is instilled in me.

But I am chagrined to realize I do far less of that entertaining than I used to. Part of the reason is because people are far pickier about food than they ever used to be.

When I invite others for a meal most want to know what I'll be serving. They are free in telling me all the things they can't or won't eat and sometimes the list is so long I can't figure out what to make.

I do admit I stress over meals far more than I used to. The result is that I don't entertain as much as I should.

I wish I could emulate my new friends Diane and David. David often cooks a big pot of meatballs or spareribs then invites more than a dozen friends, telling them to bring a dish. That way, it's never too much work for anyone and there is always plenty of good food.

For years I have watched my friend Jan whip up company meals with total ease. She makes it look effortless and insists it is, even with no advance warning.

"I just make simple meals," she says.

Thinking about those friends and their laid-back attitude toward cooking dinner for others, I realize what I'm missing.

I know I have to get back to my roots. I need to cook more and stress less.

Most of all, I need to remember it's not about the food - it's about sharing friendships and valuing spending time with those who are important to us.

I'm glad I listened to that radio program. It's made me realize what I'm missing.

Now, the challenge is to see if I really do something about it.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.