Bring your baggage to this dating site
Getting back into the dating scene after the breakup of a long-term relationship has got to be difficult to say the least. What do you do? Hang out at a bar or a nightclub? Join a church group or a social organization? Take a cruise for singles only?
Your friends will want to help you find the perfect soul mate. They will say things like, "I want you to meet my neighbor, Gary. He owns his own house and seems nice. Just got divorced last year. He's probably lonely. I'm sure he'd love to meet you."
How about this one? "You should make an appointment to see this new Dr. Davis. He's very handsome and I'm sure he's got money. I mean he's a doctor. You need to find someone to take care of you."
Or how about, "I want to introduce you to Lorrie. Her husband died two years ago and he left her with two little kids. She's a great mom and you always said you wanted to be a father. Maybe you could move right into a ready-made family."
I suppose these kinds of offers work out sometimes, but I wouldn't bet the mortgage money on any of them.
There are dating websites that promise specific types of matchups. The list is endless. Here are a few of those dot-coms.
Sea Captain is a matchup for people who love the ocean. My Lovely Parent is where adult children try to fix up their mother or father with a good match. Darwin Dating only accepts those with striking physical beauty. The opposite is Ugly Bug Ball - no explanation is necessary.
Then there's Farmers Only and Women Behind Bars or Crazy Blind Dates. Wealthy Man requires his income to be greater than $85,000 a year. Can Do Better is for people who have a long history of striking out in their relationships.
Just for fun, I've been thinking of starting my own dating site and I'm going to call it EBaggage.com
The philosophy of my pretend site is different from most. Instead of including attractive features about your professional and personal lives, let's get right down to the baggage you carry with you so someone who considers a date will immediately know if he or she wants to put up with your bad habits and past failures. Here are three examples.
Hi, my name is John. I'm twice divorced with three grown children, one who's in prison and he blames me. I haven't worked in a year, but I'm collecting disability from a fall, the third accident on my last three jobs. I love my TV. I don't move from the couch much anymore. Just keep the beer and chips coming, baby, and we'll be happy forever!
Hello. My name is Susan. I've just come out of a failed relationship so I have some demands that must be met for me to be interested in another guy.
First you have to read the book "How to Treat a Woman" and study the 25 relationship points in chapter 12. You need to get a perfect score on the test. One wrong and we're done. I'm up every morning before 6 a.m., and that's when I vacuum the house. My mother comes over at 8 a.m. every day and stays through lunchtime. If you're a snorer, a chewer, a slurper, a sniffer or a burper, don't bother with me. Noises like these drive me crazy. Oh, I think I was Lizzy Borden in a past life, so you'll have to keep me away from axes. LOL.
Hey there. I'm Lorenzo. I'm 44 years old and never been kissed. I went on one date in my whole life and she left me halfway through our dinner at a restaurant when I rubbed my finger in the ketchup on her hamburger bun. She said I was disgusting. So I like ketchup. What's the big deal? I always eat it off my fingers. I live with my sister. She's what every woman should be. She cooks and cleans for me and gives me money whenever I ask for it. Oh, I hate pets, don't like music, and I hate to read. I like to sit in a dark room and hide from my father who's been dead for 30 years. Contact me only after 3 in the afternoon. I like to sleep most of the day.
The above details describe real people. Only the names have been changed to protect their identities. EBaggage.com. If you can put up with my stuff, I might become your diamond in the rough!
Rich Strack can be reached at katehep11@gmail.com.
