Quotes for the folks

I love words, especially famous quotations. This newspaper includes a quote on the front page every day, and it's the first thing I read before anything else. Just with a few words, a quote written with sarcasm or humor reveals a truism about human behavior.

William Shakespeare is the most quoted person in all of history. See if you can find eight of his most popular phrases from his famous plays in this story that I created.

This boy who lived down the street was the laughingstock of our neighborhood. In his worn-out clothes and with his hair flying everywhere, he was truly a sorry sight to see. While the other kids made fun of him, for me it was mum's the word. I really didn't care; he was neither here nor there as far as I was concerned.

As luck would have it, one day we were the only two kids left on the school bus during the ride home. He told me he liked running and wanted to be on the junior high school track team, but he had to stay home and help his mom take care of his little brother and sister. Steven was his name. He told me his father died when he was 3 years old.

The next day he chased the kids who were making fun of him around the playground. I found out there was a method to his madness. He was a fast runner and he knew the track coach was supervising the playground that day. It might have been too much of a good thing because he was picked for the team, but his mother wouldn't let him join.

Some years later, I saw him and he ran up to me and gave me a warm hug. He was in college and he had just broken his school's record for the 200-meter sprint. I will always wear my heart on my sleeve for Steven.

Now here are my own quotes I made up the other day. As far as I know, they are all original to my thinking. Please excuse the poor paragraphing as I threw them together randomly.

Today a woman wants a husband who is John Wayne, Bob Vila and Richard Simmons all in one pair of pants. Worse than honest lies are sad smiles. The life of the party is often the death of a marriage. Every time, I meet a stranger, it's me.

Baseball and love are both games of failure. You never see forgiveness accepted with a smile. The monotony of life will end with the excitement of death. The most important qualification to be a good teacher is parenting skills. Better you talk behind my back than say nothing in front of my face.

I see too much when I close my eyes. Living large stopped with the shrinking of the doughnut. To want to be a mature, responsible adult is the goal of fools. We always want to move somewhere else to be happy. Look at a tree. It lives years with joy and it never goes anywhere. Beauty turns into ugly once the mouth opens.

Having to choose between root canal or party politics, I'll take the drill. The next time I see a welcome sign on a house, I'm going to ring the doorbell and ask to stay for dinner. A home without a father is like a plant without water.

God is no longer the spirit of love; He's a weapon of mass destruction. Better you should practice holding your breath. Soon, you'll have to pay for breathing the air. Admire the child who believes in Santa Claus for the truth will poison his soul. Ben Franklin said, "Do everything in moderation." Perhaps that's why his marriage failed. Watching paint dry and grass grow have become spectator sports for the unhappy homeowner.

Love means always having to say you're sorry. The worst crime in America that goes unpunished is bad parenting. Written on a job application: give an example of how you can multitask in a busy environment. Applicant writes: I can text on my phone while eating dinner in a restaurant.

For some, marriage is like fishing. It's catch-and-release recreation. When opinion becomes fact, fact becomes opinion. Don't hold my hand while you let go of my heart. Ask Jesus Christ to help you forgive. Ask Jack Daniels to help you forget. A most difficult decision while staying in a hotel: read the Bible or watch HBO.

We can call Egypt from here on a cellphone, but we can't cure cancer. Given the choice to die in a hospital or anywhere else, I prefer to go down in boxer briefs rather than butt naked.

Rich Strack can be reached at katehep11@gmail.com.