Look who's coming to dinner

The other night my daughter asked me this question. “If you could have dinner with any five people, dead or alive, people you’ve never met before, who would you choose?” (You can try this at home, too!)

Hmmm. First I’d invite Jesus. I know he’s probably booked for years ahead, but he’s certainly worth the wait. Next I’d request the attendance of Adolf Hitler. Weird combination, I know, but that could make for a very interesting evening.

My third guest would be Mickey Mantle, my baseball Hall of Fame hero. The fourth at my table would be Martin Luther King Jr. and finally, I’d have actor and comedian Robin Williams.

The conversation might go something like this.

“So when do I get to come to heaven?” asked Hitler to Jesus. MLK glared at the evil one.

“When every white man and white woman gives birth to only black children,” replied Mr. King.

“When I come back to play for the Yankees and I don’t get drunk before every game,” added The Mick.

“When Donald Trump dresses up like Mrs. Doubtfire and gets back the love of his two ex-wives,” snipped Robin.

Jesus put his hands together and smiled.

Hitler looked at the Son of God again. “If I ask for your forgiveness, then will you bring me right up?”

“Sure,” replied MLK. “A soon as the KKK celebrates Black History month.”

The Mick grinned at Hitler. “Or when I can actually hit a Sandy Koufax curveball.”

Robin took his turn. “I can’t help but say this. When hell freezes over.”

Jesus smiled again.

Hitler looked frustrated. “Well, can I at least see the clouds again? I can’t hurt anyone anymore.”

‘Wrong, Adolf,” said MLK. “Every time people say your name or see a picture of your face, they are reminded of the terrible atrocities you brought upon mankind.”

The Mick stood up and pretended to swing a baseball bat. ”It was a game-winning home run, ” he said, “ when you got knocked out of the park.” He swung his imaginary bat again.

Jesus closed his eyes.

Hitler stood up from his seat, “It is true that I was an evil man, but each one of you did bad things while you were alive, too.” They locked their eyes upon him. “We get to read the news in hell, too, you know,” he said.

He pointed at MLK. “Adultery, Mr. King.”

His finger moved to Mantle. “You too, Mr. Hall of Famer, you cheated on your wife and you abandoned your sons.”

He glared at Robin. “Suicide is a sin, my friend. I did read the Bible. That’s a double whammy for me, too.”

The room became silent. Everyone lowered his head except for Jesus, who looked up at the ceiling.

Then Robin Williams rose from his chair. “If I may, I’d like to quote myself from the movie “Dead Poets Society.”

“That you are here right now, life exists for you again. The powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”

Robin leaned over and placed his hands upon the table to continue.

“Only in your dreams can you be truly free,” he said. “’Twas always then and always this will be.”

He smiled at Jesus, who nodded his head.

“In my dreams, I can remember when my mother held me in her arms,” Hitler said with tears in his eyes. “She loved me so much.”

Mantle took a deep breath. “In my dreams, every home run I hit was a promise to keep a sober life, to remain faithful to my wife, and to be a good father to my sons.”

“I was then and I am now a man of God,” said MLK. “In the name of this holy man who sits here with us today, let he who has not sinned cast the next stone.”

Jesus stood and walked around the table. He placed his hands upon the heads of each of the sobbing men. Then in a blink of my eye, he was gone.

Robin raised his hands above his head.

“It’s time to seize the day, gentlemen!”

He glanced over at me. “ And for dinner, we should all eat some humble pie!”

Rich Strack can be reached at katehep11@gmail.com.