America: land of the free and the angry

Break something. Throw punches. Shoot people.

Violent anger is destroying families and threatening everyone in public places.

No one knows where it will strike next; we just know that it will.

I used to hear that certain students I taught were emotionally disturbed with anger management issues and I would respond with the words, "Well, aren't we all?"

There are a few people who never have blasted a fireball of obscenities, slammed bedroom doors or driven cars recklessly down the street in a fit of rage.

I have met two in my life. One was Lorrie, who fended off her frustrations about angry people with an array of smiles underlined with expressions of "Oh boy, Oh boy."

She once told me that married couples should hold hands when they argue and if the issue is particularly intense, then they should hold all four hands. "It's safer that way," she said, "When all hands are clamped together, neither can grab a knife or any other harmful kitchen utensil."

The other who keeps calm when facing an emotional storm is Bruce, a friend of mine who just cocks his head like a confused puppy and narrows his eyebrows whenever anyone tries to disturb his karma.

He believes you lose a little more of your self-respect, as well as the respect of others, each time you use anger as a power tool to scare someone into submission.

In my youth, I was a wall puncher and a door slammer, but now I control myself in a potentially volatile situation. What matters more to me is preserving a level relationship rather than gaining an upper hand.

Look around and you will find anger. It's within phone calls, across family dinner tables, and inside the horns of automobiles.

Haven't we all been involved in a road rage incident? Try this the next time a driver chases you down to hurl unspeakables through your open car window.

Once he finishes his tirade, say, "Go and have yourself a nice day." Your unexpected comment will puzzle him.

Even if he spits out one more vulgarity, your response could help defuse the situation.

Anger can manifest itself far too often into deadly violence. Animosity and guns make up a recipe for certain tragedy, recently proven again with the murders of nine churchgoers in Charleston and two journalists in Virginia.

Based upon her research and clinical assessments, Maryland psychotherapist Laura L. Hayes claims that mentally ill people are not killers. Angry people are. She writes, "Violence is not the action of ordinary people who suddenly 'break.' Violent crimes are committed by violent people who do not have the skills to manage their anger."

Her statistics reveal that ninety percent of all violent crimes are committed by people who have a history of hostile behaviors along with patterns of social alienation.

So we are back to that anger management problem. No laws can fully protect the innocent from the next disturbed person who decides to pick up a weapon to make a final statement about his uncontrollable rage. Prevention is a better strategy.

We could add classes to our school curriculum to teach coping skills. Remove words that generate anger like "I am offended," and "I am victim" from our vocabulary. Instead, empower with a knowledge that eliminates ignorance and brings an acceptance of a diverse society that does not always conform to any individual's idea of a perfect world.

I can't help but think that people who are prone to violence were, at one time, unhappy children who just needed some guidance to balance their emotions in times of turmoil.

Buddha once said, "In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we cease striving for the truth and have begun striving for ourselves."

Before the next person picks up a gun to do the unthinkable, I hope that he takes a long look in the mirror to find the truth about his hatred and anger.

If he sees his self worth staring back, he can put down the weapon and spare the lives of people like you and me.

Rich Strack writes a weekly column taking a deeper view of people's actions. Contact him at katehep11@gmail.com