The beauty of instant chemistry

I was excited last night because a very dear friend of mine was giving a talk at a church organization.

The last time she gave a talk, I was in the hospital so I had to miss it. I told my husband I would camp on the church steps if I had to because it meant a lot to me to be there this time.

"I didn't realize you knew her that well. She doesn't live around here. How do you know her?" he asked.

When I told him I met Lisa at a church seminar, he wanted to know how long I knew her. "It can't be that long because you just started going to those retreats," he commented.

"Forever," I told him. "I know her forever, or at least it seems that way."

Every now and then when we meet someone there is an instant chemistry that bonds us. I don't know how to explain it other than saying it's like two souls that recognize each other, even though you are just meeting.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's magical.

When I first met Lisa there were four or five of us who stayed up late talking after the programs were over. She and I stayed a bit after the others left because of that instant chemistry I told you about.

There was a level of understanding and trust that normally takes years to develop. We talked long into the night, then did the same thing the next night.

While I am outgoing by nature, I am also normally reserved when I'm in a group or if I'm just getting to know someone. And most times, I stay that way with others.

I recognize there are different levels of friendship. Some say I have "a ton of friends."

That might be true. But most of those friends are what I call "activity buddies." We are often together because we share the same interests. I value the activity buddies I have in my kayak club, dance group and shell club. We have fun together and I always look forward to being with them.

But after years of time spent with them, if someone asked them to write down everything they know about me personally, they would only be able to write a few sentences of basic facts: Likes kayak, likes dancing, likes biking and the outdoors, married to David.

That's about what they know about me because I am not the type of person who shares my private life or my deepest thoughts. I reserve that for my husband and a handful of close friends with whom I share a bond. Most of those bonds come from a long-term friendship.

So it's more than a bit rare when I experience instant chemistry and trust.

I think it was recognition of shared values that made it happen between Lisa and me. When we talk, it's on a deeper level than with most of my conversations.

That's what I find with the rare bouts of instant chemistry of friendship there is nothing superficial about our conversation. Instead, it's heartfelt and gut honest.

How many times can you be like that with someone? How many times can you be gut honest about your life or your feelings?

I find that much of the conversation with many people is superficial. It's pleasant. It's safe. And that's fine. I don't think we're meant to open up the well of feelings until a level of trust has been established.

I was at a luncheon when a woman at my table starting telling us about family problems, going into detail about her husband's drinking and the rejection she gets from her family.

Another woman at the table looked at her and said: "Too much information."

The troubled woman trusted her feelings to relative strangers, and it didn't go over well.

Trust is a gift, one that can't be given without caution. Why then does trust come quickly during the rare times when we have instant chemistry with someone? I don't know that answer. I only know it's as rare as an albino kitten.

While it's rare for me to experience that chemistry, when it does happen it always turns into what I call a "forever friendship."

Forever friends are few and far between, too.

Forever friends are those who are always there for you when you need them through life's ups and downs.

Whether you are near each other or miles apart, you feel close to them. And if you don't see each other for a long time, the next time you are together it's like you were never apart.

There is no "warming up" with a forever friend. There is only "catching up" because you are sincerely interested in sharing each other's life.

If you make a social boo-boo with a forever friend, he or she won't hold it against you. True friends don't do that.

Lenny, one of my few forever friends, once told me "friends don't count." They don't count who called whom and who owes whom a visit. They don't count favors and they don't count your transgressions.

Well, I count. I count my blessings with every forever friend in my life.

If you're lucky enough to have a forever friend or two, you know what a gift that is.