Warmest regards: Differences don’t have to divide us

By Pattie Mihalik

I had an interesting conversation this week with my husband. We were talking about fasting, of all things.

David had just finished reading a column in The Wall Street Journal about why fasting is good for us.

Based on new research that shows fasting helps with weight loss, longevity and fighting disease, the long article made a case for omitting dinner or breakfast in order to fast from food for at least 14 hours.

Claiming that fasting is not just a weight control fad, the long article by Dr. Andreas Michalsen included research from other biologists that shows fasting helps counter the effects of aging of cells and builds immunity.

Some call it time restricted eating. Others call it just another food fad.

In a book on the subject, Michalsen claims fasting intermittently results in a significantly lower risk of developing Parkinson’s disease, multiple sclerosis and Alzheimer’s.

My husband was delighted to read this — so delighted, in fact, that he insisted on reading the entire article to me.

“See — I’ve been saying that all along,” he said.

Not content to be justified in his weird (my word for it) way of eating, David was looking to gain a new fasting convert: Me.

“You should do this!” he insisted.

I politely told him we each have to find what works best for us. What works best for me is eating three healthy meals a day with emphasis on plenty of fruit and vegetables.

When we were married, David was masquerading as a normal eater. He skipped breakfast but ate lunch and dinner with me.

I love cooking and I relished our time sharing meals together.

It’s not like that anymore. I often prepare a healthy, home-cooked meal for one person: Me.

It’s my version of healthy eating. David’s version is eating one smallish meal a day, somewhere between 2 and 4 p.m.

Now he has the experts agreeing with him.

I guess we will just have to go on having a divided household.

That conversational debate with my husband made me call to mind other ways in which couples live in a divided household.

Decades ago, religious differences might have divided some couples. That wasn’t the case with my cousin Louise and her husband.

From the time they were married, they placed her Catholic Bible on one side of a shelf and his Protestant version on the other side. Through more than 50 years of marriage they have always respected each other’s religious differences and never tried to change the other one.

Experts tells us one difference that often puts stress on some marriages is divided viewpoints on handling money.

I hear complaints from some women who say their husbands are spendthrifts. Other women admit they are resentful because their husbands won’t spend money at all.

While knowing how much to save can cause differences, knowing when to spend can do the same thing.

We’re at a point in this country when political differences are dividing us. It’s dividing friendships, families and sometimes marriages.

Once upon a time it used to be perfectly acceptable to have different political views. Now, we have grown intolerant of the political views of others.

I heard several people say they dropped some friends because they didn’t like their political posts on Facebook.

One single woman says she checks the political views of possible boyfriends on Facebook before she agrees to go out with someone.

“I could never be with someone who didn’t share political ideals that are important to me,” she said.

My best friend and I are on different sides of the political fence. We will never agree on anything that touches on politics. Yet it doesn’t affect our friendship. Nor should it.

Differences don’t have to divide us.

Not political ones, not religious ones. Not financial ones.

Surely there are important things that can bind us together.

I rate being kind and civil to everyone as most important.

Doing for others and helping the poor are important to me.

Last week I listened to a new friend harshly criticize a woman for running a local charity for the poor and homeless.

Why that would upset someone is beyond me.

I had to stop and ask myself if I could be friends with someone who didn’t share my important value of helping others.

My honest answer: Yes, we can be social friends. But we could never be close because she couldn’t understand my heart and I couldn’t understand hers.

See — I fell into the trap of expecting people to share my viewpoints, didn’t I?

Many of us work hard not to judge others. Yet, we do.

From the beginning of time people were judged by what they wore, how much money they had and their station in life.

Now, we have other criteria to divide us.

Here’s a question for you. Is it easier to be more tolerant of others who don’t share our values if we don’t live with them?

I’ve met plenty of couples who tell me they agree on everything.

David and I think we can say that about most things. “It’s rare that we disagree on something,” he insists.

We’ll test that again tonight when I’ll sit down at the table with my dinner while my husband will probably fast.

Differences don’t have to divide us. Except maybe at the dinner table.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.