Warmest regards: It’s so hard to say goodbye

By Pattie Mihalik

When my friend Kathy planned a small get-together for her closest friends, I was excited to go.

She’s one of my favorite people — someone I admire both as a friend and as a compassionate woman who will do anything to help anyone.

There are a few special friends who come into our life and make us better people just through our association with them.

I know I am a better person because of Kathy. Always upbeat with a good word for everyone, she knows how to stay positive, no matter what’s going on in her world.

I’ve watched her navigate through some rough waters, and I’ve admired how she kept her positivity and her goodness when everything around her was falling apart.

With all that in mind, I was jolted when I learned Kathy’s reason for her little get-together.

She wanted to say goodbye.

She accepted a job in a new area and is moving there within a week.

I know I should be happy for her. I’m positive it will be a good move for her, and her new community will value her as much as we do.

While I’m happy for her, I’m devastated that she will be out of my life.

When you care about someone, it’s so hard to say goodbye. It’s even harder when you know there are only a few people one regards as irreplaceable — and the friend leaving is one.

Two years ago my friend Fran was forced to move from the area. She, too, is one of the few people capable of changing those around her.

Fran has the gift of encouragement. She always knows the perfect thing to say to boost people. She, too, is able to exact change in people just by her very nature and her spirituality.

When Fran moved, she told her friends not to fret. She would be less than two hours away and we could continue to share our special friendships

Eventually, our trips to get together got fewer. While our friendship never wavered, our times together took a big hit.

I expect the same thing will happen when Kathy moves. Our friendship will remain strong but our good times together will turn into a rare treat.

All around me people are moving or dying, disappearing from our world.

“We’re at the venerable age when our friends are dying off and there’s nothing we can do about it,” said my friend Sue.

Sure there is, I told her. Make new friends. In time they will become just as dear to us as our friends who are no longer here.

Sue’s comment made me recall how I started a great friendship with Doris, a woman I had long admired but didn’t know. I was often in her company while doing stories for our newspaper and was always impressed with her sharp mind and compassion.

When I had the chance to interview her for a story, I asked her if she wanted to join me on my evening walks.

It was the start of a great friendship. Doris said I came along at the right time because all her friends had passed away or moved. She especially liked the fact that I was 10 years younger than she is.

“There will come a time,” she said, “when you will value a friendship with someone younger because they might be around you longer.”

It seemed like a strange thing to say, but time has proved the truth of her words.

It’s hard enough losing friends who move away. But when people we care about pass away it’s especially hard. It’s hard to say goodbye when you know they will no longer be part of our life.

I had a difficult time coming to grips with it when my friend Linda passed away. It’s been three years and I still mourn the loss of her friendship.

Each friend has something unique that they bring into our life. With Linda, it was her sense of adventure.

We shared a passion for kayaking, biking and just simply going off and exploring new areas.

While it’s true that I have made some new friends since Linda passed away and will continue to make other friends, no one fills the hole left by someone we cared about deeply.

While I was thinking about all this after Kathy announced she was moving, I got another surprise from my next-door neighbor.

Dorothy is also moving. She’s disappointed in the area, she said, because it’s harder to make new friends here than it was in her old neighborhood.

Truth be told, she never gave herself the chance to meet new people. She “wasn’t a joiner” and mostly stayed home.

I’m fond of saying that no one will crash through your kitchen ceiling. You have to put yourself out there to meet new people.

Our community makes it easy with its great clubhouse, tons of activities, and plenty of meet-and-greet social functions.

I know it takes a while to build up friendships. I also know good things happen when we open ourselves up to new friendships.

I am forever grateful for the close friends who have graced my life.

While I will never find it easy to say goodbye, I know I will never completely lose any of them. They will stay in my heart forever.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.