Warmest regards: Treasuring time with adult children

By Pattie Mihalik

Christmas is still far enough away that I haven’t even given it much thought.

Oh, I know, it’s just a month, but I cope best by thinking of the week at hand.

Even with focus only at my weekly calendar, I overlooked the fabulous outdoor harvest dance.

David and I bought tickets far in advance, which I promptly put in my wallet and forgot about.

The night everyone else was enjoying the dance, David and I were home trying to figure out where we could go dancing.

If I don’t keep looking at my calendar, I miss things. So I certainly don’t want to think about Christmas activities.

But my daughter Maria wants to know what we will do right after Christmas when our family will all be at my daughter Andrea’s house.

“If we don’t plan ahead the best activities will be sold out,” insisted Maria.

She wants to know what I best like doing when I travel back to New Jersey for our family vacation.

The truthful answer is I just want to be with my daughters. I don’t care if we’re peeling potatoes or making wedding soup in the kitchen. Any time I spend with them is perfect.

The same goes for my grandchildren. I will have the rare joy of having all four grandkids there for our family Christmas.

I don’t need to “go somewhere special” as Maria requested.

Being with family is special enough.

For the first time in several years Maria was able to spend four days in Florida with me. For weeks before she came she was searching the internet to find what she calls “fun things we can do together.”

I was happy to oblige by booking the boat tours she wanted. Unfortunately, that dreaded red tide arrived, ruling out all our kayaking and boating activities.

We are definitely a family that best enjoys life on and in the water. But we had to substitute other activities because of red tide.

While I was disappointed for Maria who has been waiting for years to kayak again, for me, it was great just being with her.

When I think back to her stay, the best moments I recall were simple things like cooking dinner with her. We worked together to make a yummy, healthy stew, cutting, chopping and chatting away.

I thought about how blessed I was to be with her. It’s a rare treat to be able to have an extended conversation with her, much less to have fun cooking together.

We pronounced the stew “the best we ever had.” I’m sure it was doing it together that added to the pleasure.

Maria said one of the highlights of the trip for her was floating on a raft in my swimming pool. In November the water was still warm enough for swimming.

Twelve years after moving to Florida, I still haven’t tired of being in my pool. I say a prayer of Thanksgiving every time.

As I look back on the gratifying moments of Maria’s short visit, what first comes to mind are not the commercial ventures we did.

I most appreciate the simple together moments. Propping up all the pillows in my room and watching TV together was special.

The simple fact is it’s being together and having uninterrupted time to talk to each other that ranks as special.

A friend of mine just celebrated a milestone birthday. Before her big day, her daughter called to ask what she wanted for her birthday.

“I want us to spend the day together, just like we used to do before. It’s been too long since we did that, and it’s what I long for,” my friend told her.

The evening of her birthday, my friend’s daughter arrived and said she was taking her mother out to dinner.

When she got to the restaurant, 30 people yelled “surprise.”

Yes, it was nice the daughter arranged that for her mother. But she didn’t really give her mom what she wanted.

She wanted one-on-one time with her daughter. She didn’t want her time diverted talking to dozens of people.

The daughter gave her mother a big, expensive gift, one she probably couldn’t afford.

Yet what her mother wanted most for her birthday didn’t cost anything.

She wanted time. One-on-one time with her daughter.

My friend said it’s been more than 15 years since she had that gift.

We talked together about gifts we most value and we agreed no gift can top presence.

Now, with Christmas approaching, my two daughters want to know what attractions I want to see during my holiday visit.

For years I’ve been telling them I value presence, not presents. They understand that.

If I keep trying I’m sure I can also get them to understand being with them — chatting and laughing together — is all I need to warm my heart.

Other older folks understand. But some youngsters also understand the value of just being together.

Last year when I did I story on a teen group right after Christmas, I asked them what was their favorite Christmas gift.

One 16-year-old fellow said his favorite gift was spending time with his grandparents.

“I know they won’t always been here, so I want to do it now,” he said.

Some of us definitely know what is important and what’s not.

Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.