Warmest regards: We pay a price for our choices
By Pattie Mihalik
newsgirl@comcast.net
Some people make an important decision, then, once it’s made, they never look back.
I’m not one of them.
Years after I make a major decision I occasionally question whether I would make the same decision all over again. Most of the time I would.
One big biggest decision I made was to move from Pennsylvania to Florida. That decision wasn’t made lightly. I knew with all certainty it was the right thing to do, even though I knew it would impact my life in many ways.
The only drawback to that major change in my life was that I would be living farther away from my children and grandchildren. We’re a close family and we all gather together for every important event.
I rank school programs and school concerts as important events. I told my family I would still go to all of them. The only change would be I would be flying instead of driving there.
My daughter Andrea tries to support me regardless of her personal feelings. Nevertheless, she couldn’t hide her distress as she drove me to the auto train that would take me to my new home in Florida.
When she finally gave voice to her feelings, her words pierced my heart.
“You’re the person who always stressed family values,” she said. “Now here you are, moving away from family.”
Yet, it was only after much thought and prayer that I knew with absolute certainty the move was the right thing to do.
Three years after the death of my beloved husband, I knew I had not healed. On the surface, I stayed busy, and I’m sure I gave every outward appearance of doing well, especially at work or when I was enjoying a social outing with my friends.
But inside I was still awash in grief. When I was home alone I was surrounded with an absence that filled me with sadness.
Every room in our home seemed to echo emptiness, emphasizing the absence of Andy.
When my daughters phoned, I tried to sound chipper as I insisted I was “fine.”
Everyone who goes through the loss of a spouse understands that adult children do as much as they can. But they have to get on with their lives. With only a few weeks of vacation and a busy, busy life with kids and their activities, they can’t be your main support system.
You have to find that for yourself.
I was incredibly lucky to find that support system with my drumming friends. From our first class we bonded together like longtime friends. The enthusiasm of djembe teacher Moe Jerant rubbed off on all of us and I had a happy social life.
Leaving those friends and leaving my family to move to Florida was difficult. But I knew with all certainty the timing was right. My grandkids were no longer little kids I could hold. They were busy with their own lives.
I can honestly say I haven’t had one unhappy day since I moved to the Land of Perpetual Sunshine. I feel blessed each and every day of my life.
Through the years, as I question myself if I made the right move, the answer is always a resounding yes.
But I do pay a steep price for the decision to live in Florida. I don’t see my family nearly enough.
My daughters are faithful in keeping in touch and we do try to get together as much as possible. I’m also delighted by my wonderful son-in-law who makes little videos to share their activities with me.
Now that my grandkids are of college age, they, too, will be spreading their wings and finding their own path in life.
It’s what we all have to do.
My friends with young grandchildren want the opportunity to hold the little ones as much as possible. So the grandparents divide their time between two states. Others move back to their home state to help out with family.
All of us have to weigh our choices.
Sometimes it’s our choice of a partner. Sometimes it’s about a career move.
A close friend of mine has had an outstanding career that gave him a lucrative salary, major perks, and the opportunity to travel all over the world. I don’t think there’s a place anyone mentions that he doesn’t say, “Oh, I’ve been there.”
I told him I envy the way he has seen so much of the world.
He surprised me by saying he paid too much of a price for that opportunity.
“Sure, my job allowed me to give my family a nice lifestyle and some pretty nifty vacations. But it meant not spending time with the kids while they were growing up. I was too busy working,” he said.
If he could do it all over again, he would settle for a lesser-paying job that allowed him to be home more with his family, he said.
Just call it the road not taken.
We all reach crossroads in life where we have to decide what direction we want to take. We can only make what seems to be the best choice at that time.
Happiness comes from being content with the choices we made and the direction we traveled.
Fortunately, I find that contentment every day of my life.
Contact Pattie Mihalik at newsgirl@comcast.net.