Respect the dead

For obvious reasons, most of us try not to think about our obituary appearing in our local newspaper, but for many readers this is the first section they seek out.

For newspapers, accuracy in everything printed is, of course, a daily goal, but it is particularly urgent in an obituary. After all, this narrative is basically the final report on a person’s life. It will be clipped, tucked lovingly into a scrapbook or Bible and kept for posterity.

With the tragic death of basketball legend Kobe Bryant in a plane crash last month, the thorny question of which information should be included in the report of a person’s death has arisen again.

The day I walked into the newsroom for orientation for my first newspaper job in 1966, the craggy, cigar-chomping editor gave me a lot of tips. “Now, I am going to say this one twice, because it is so important,” he told me, looking me straight in the eye. “Don’t ever screw up an obit, or there will be hell to pay.”

As part of their training, all rookie reporters had to spend a few days on the obituary desk, because it taught us accuracy — there was no margin for error. Back then, a funeral director would dictate the obituary over the phone, spelling just about every other word and every name. I, in turn, would spell back the names and any unusual words to make sure I had everything perfect.

Fast forward nearly 55 years later, and a lot has changed. Back then, the newspaper printed obituaries at no charge to the funeral home, so most papers had a narrowly focused format, and all obituaries were largely plugged into the same template.

Today, funeral directors pay for the publication of obituaries, and pass along these charges to their clients, so now this becomes a paid ad. The set format of old is pretty much out the window. In 1966, the obit would have read, “Mary Smith, 82, died …”; today, it might read, “Mary Smith has been taken to Heaven on the wings of angels …” Just about anything goes in an obituary, which is why people are survived by their dog, their goldfish, their car, their best friends, etc.

What hasn’t changed, however, is the public’s sensitivity to what is included in an obituary or, for that matter, any negative comments about a person after his or her death. It’s a case of “respect the dead.”

Case in point: Kobe Bryant. While the traumatized world lavishes praise on the basketball superstar, including a huge memorial coming up Feb. 23, some media outlets mentioned his alleged affairs, which led to his wife Vanessa filing for divorce in 2011.

This was on top of the 2003 felony rape charge that was ultimately dropped after Bryant publicly apologized and agreed to an out-of-court settlement. As it turned out, Bryant and his wife reconciled, and despite its share of ups and downs, their marriage persevered.

The backlash against these mentions of Bryant’s dalliances was immediate and intense. Some commentators even received death threats.

For example, rapper Snoop Dogg sent an Instagram video to CBS News journalist Gayle King after her referencing of Bryant’s indiscretions, saying, “We expect more from you, Gayle. Respect the family and back off, (expletive), before we come get you.” Snoop Dogg denied that this was a threat. It certainly seems like a threat to me.

King had asked WNBA star and Bryant friend Lisa Leslie where the rape case fit into Bryant’s legacy. “I think the media should be more respectful at this time, because it’s, like, if you’ve had questions about it, you’ve had many years to ask him about it.”

The question for journalists deals with honesty. Should an obituary be a snapshot of a person’s life — good and bad — or should an obituary be sanitized of any negativity?

For 99 percent of the obituaries, this is never an issue, but when a person is famous or has a particular claim to fame, the issue becomes less clear-cut.

By Bruce Frassinelli | tneditor@tnonline.com