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Acceptable workplace behavior is a moving target

Published July 09. 2019 12:43PM

Having been a manager or department head for most of my professional career, I have reflected on things I said and did 30 or more years ago that would not cut it in today’s workplace.

On one level, I can understand how former Vice President and current Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden might seem confused, even frustrated, by the criticism leveled at him for his touchy-feely brand of empathy.

The accusations against Biden, although not sexual in nature, were launched amid the current women’s empowerment and #MeToo movements and have taken on a sense of urgency as Biden first weighed and now has jumped into the presidential contest.

Biden has a reputation for being a classic type of politician who likes to shake hands, kiss babies and give hugs. But that familiar style doesn’t go over well in some parts of the #MeToo world.

In doing some soul-searching during this #MeToo era, I can recall instances where I patted a female employee on the arm or shoulder to show (at least in my mind) an understanding of an emotional issue she might have been going through. I did the same with male employees.

There also have been plenty of instances where females and males have touched me on the hand, arm or shoulder while talking to me in a professional setting. I never gave it a thought until recently.

It is remarkable how something that seemed so innocent years ago can now be regarded as a litmus test as to whether a person might be a harasser — sexual or otherwise.

Today’s managers must be talented enough to show concern and empathy but be able to walk a narrow line and not overstep their bounds, lest they be considered predators or worse.

Empathy is simply recognizing emotions in others and being able to “put yourself in another person’s shoes” — understanding the other person’s perspective and reality. To be empathetic, you have to think beyond yourself and your own concerns.

But here is the $64,000 question: How do you do this without overdoing it and without having your intentions misunderstood?

There were several occasions when female employees came to my office to inform me that a family member had died and that they needed some time off. In addition to offering my condolences, I also might have hugged them, because they were distraught and in tears.

If I were a manager today, I would certainly think twice about showing my concern in that way; in fact, I am pretty sure that I would not, just in case.

I always had a policy when I was doing adjunct teaching that I would never meet with a female student in a room with the door closed. I did not want to be accused of some sort of trumped-up sexual allegation from a disgruntled student.

On three occasions over a 57-year period in the classroom, students who were either failing or nearly failing my classes made an appointment to see me and offered to do “anything” to get a higher grade.

Although I was not going to take the bait to inquire as to what “anything” might have meant, the implication was pretty clear. My response was that the only way to improve their grade was to do the work required and to do it well. I followed up these meetings with a written report to my supervisor, just in case the student decided to invent a different scenario.

Sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination that violates Title VII of the federal Civil Rights Act of 1964. Sexual harassment describes the unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors or other verbal or physical conduct. The behavior does not have to be of a sexual nature, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person’s sex.

I am amazed that there are still men my age (80), even younger who still refer to female servers and other service personnel as “honey,” “sweetie” or other terms they consider endearing.

What is even more amazing is that there are still female servers who refer to me and other men by these same terms. While I am not offended nor have I ever vocally complained to management, I am snapped to attention and wonder how the woman would react if someone were to call her “sweetie pie” as she had just called me.

By Bruce Frassinelli | tneditor@tnonline.com

Comments
The lines are much better defined now in this day and age and Bruce would know that if he were still a manager.

Just a suggestion, this paper has two editorial writers who are both retired and aged. I appreciate the POV of our elders but isn't it time to get a millennial or a GEN X,Y or Z's opinion? Not only would it provide a more current view of the world, the paper might actually have more relevant content. No offense Bruce and Jim but lets hear some fresh perspective. In this case, the subject of current workplace behavior would be best addressed but someone currently in the workforce.
Things are very confusing today in the workplace and elsewhere. I was scolded for holding a door open for what I mistook for a lady a time or two. It apparently was my mistake not to recognize a militant woman’s libber. Rudeness is now also mistaken for a positive attribute nowadays. Example in point is the above insult to Jim & Bruce, the TN editorial writers who “are both retired and aged”, according to a caustic observer. Disrespect is rampant throughout society that disparages our President and citizens. Punks that insult others should look into a mirror to see who really needs improvement. Condescending bullies should be ignored. Bullies never measure up to the standards they set for others.
There's that cyber punk again. He calls people names like "militant woman's libber" yet he preaches about bullying. Your ignorance and and asinine statements are out there for the world to see. You're a fool.
Some people have genuine compassion, and then you have Joe Biden. Creepy Joe.
Biden, the same guy who was caught on hot mic. (about ACA) to Obama, "This is a big F - ing Deal"
That's presidential? Genuine idiot!
Anyway, times have changed Hun.
I don’t think we would accept a restaurant review from someone who hasn’t been to the restaurant in 10-15 years. Same goes for this piece.

Jim put out a piece with a blatantly incorrect “fact” that Rapinoe’s “effing Whitehouse” quote came “on the world stage” before the game France when it was actually dug up from an interview done months ago.

Inaccuracy and lacking first hand knowledge is a poor way to conduct journalism. I won’t say it’s a matter of age but it would be nice to hear from some fresher voices.
Fresher voices of the confused nature? Fresher voices that lack an ability to think for themselves? Fresher voices that lack common sense, like those who embraced AWS, or ATIFA, or maybe still trying to decide their own gender? If I want to understand and deal with what life has to throw my way, I'm climbing upon the shoulders of one who's already been there.
TBH, I worry that the younger folks will be Phubbing while interviewing, bringing on JOMO. Hundo P
Sorry not sorry, just adulting mom.
Bah humbug, another old guy ripping the younger generation. Your parents said they same about your generation. Like it or not this is their world now, not yours. Even I’m beyond their generation in age but I respect that they are forging their own destinies.

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